It's time for the FpAJACEA Awards!

The First possibly Annual Jibjokha Amusing and Confusing Exam Answer Awards

Good Evening, or whatever time of day it happens to be when you are reading this, and welcome to the FpAJACEAAs. This year we have seen many sterling performances in the field of strange and/or funny exam answers. All participants should feel very proud of their efforts but, sadly, there can only be one winner.

The first award is Wol's Award for Great Creativity in Spelling (See Winnie the Pooh, the chapter which features Eeyore's birthday).

The bronze goes to the spelling 'Asulita.' Can you work out the intended word? That's right, it's 'Australia.' A great effort but points were deducted for only using letters which were really included in the word and for making a plausible looking word.

The silver goes to 'Pthoh.' This word is slightly easier to work out, being 'Pythons' but it was an amazing effort given that the exam paper had the word written correctly 27 times. Well done!

But the gold can only go to 'Hosticifctal.' This truly heroic spelling of 'Hospital' just laughs in the face of phonics. Congratulations!

The next Award is the Inigo Montoya Award for I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means. There were many contestants for this confusing, malaproping award but here are the top three:

The bronze goes to a confusing culinary effort or perhaps a sentence where the author wished to threaten his stationary by saying 'The notebook is mince.'

The silver goes to the slightly disturbing 'I will build bleading house.' This creepy sentence suggests that the author enjoyed Amityville Horror just a bit too much but I really have no idea what they really meant.

But the gold goes to the double malaproping of 'Prime minister is one of any goat.' and 'Our Bhutan is like a goat.' Well Done to this possible political commentary! (I think the author may have meant 'gold')

Now we come to the Shouldn't That Be a Word? Award. This is a special award only given occasionally to the truly accidentally creative. While trying to write the words 'prime minister' the author gave us the word 'primister.' Shouldn't all male PMs get called that?

Another special award is the I'm Too Tired to Think of a Name for This Award Award which goes to a student who not only invented a sport but what to wear while you play it. 'Becket boll coat' I'm guessing is the coat you wear while playing a game where the goal is to irritate the English King so much that he has you killed. I realise that Beckett was incorrectly spelt but I can think of no other logical explanation. (Apologies to Mark and Tim who probably tried a few times to get me to play a game with an orange ball which you bounce. What was that called again?)

The final award is the Wait, What? Seriously? Award. This award is given to the sentences, or things that kind of look like sentences, which made the judge assume she had misread but when she re-read it she saw that no, it really did say that.

The bronze goes to the verbing of a noun effort of 'I am turtle your work.' I really don't know what the author thought turtle meant and I don't think they did either. (I should say that I thought turtles lived in Bhutan but apparently they don't so I shouldn't have included it in a question. Oops. However the question did tell them that it was a noun and I adjusted marks equitably)

The silver goes to amazing effort that makes you wonder what the author thinks her mother might do in the future. In a letter to her mother the author wrote 'I love you so far.'

For the gold the judge went for a sentence which may be a profound philosophical statement, but she really doubts it. Can you work out what 'The Belle was longer the Belle is dead when the Belle is' means? I couldn't either.

Well done to all the winners and just remember, if you really neglect your studies you too could walk away with a completely non-existent award and the knowledge that you probably made your English teacher bang her head on her desk repeatedly. See you next year! (possibly)